rainbow-colored lollipop

I'm too old for crushes. at my age, i should have outgrown the silent staring from a distance, longing for the beautiful fucked up person tragically not mine to take. but every saturday afternoon, i find myself gushing over a professor at my grad school. it is hard to miss him in the halls when he is about almost 6 feet tall and his gait has that casual, boyish character. he is twice my age and holds a respectable position in government yet, something in the way he pouts his mouth when waiting for a student to answer his question or when poring over a reference tells me a boy is still in there somewhere. not that i'm looking for a boy. a man is what i need. but something in him makes me wonder what if i hold his gaze when we meet in the hall?

i stand just outside his classroom, looking at him through the sliver of glass on the door. i must have been smiling or my eyes might have reflected too much naughtiness that my most practical friend exclaimed, "but you have a boyfriend!" i looked at her and told her to glance at him and see if he's not sexy at all. she looked at him and then at me, smiled like a kid given a rainbow-colored gigantic lollipop. just as i thought.

the class was boring so i wrote a stupid poem about him. it was fun though, thinking i could fashion it after neruda's tonight i write the saddest lines. nah! what i have are plain nasty thoughts. but for kicks, she told me to post it. so here it is, my 2-minute pancake of a poem. this is the end of me. : ) but do not judge, this is just me gushing.

within four inches of space
your face confined
at an oblique angle
your eyes glisten
your lips pout-
an old joke revived in your head.

a hand in your pocket
the other offered up-
inviting validation
you stare, silently begging
for the right answer to come.

she catches your glance
and holds it transfixed,
presenting possibilities
and then like the protracted
late afternoon sun ray,
they change hues
before he understands.