afraid of the long straight line part II

Here behind the coarse walls of skyscrapers
Where the earth’s humid breath flows in an unending cycle of misery
A cloud of doubt mushrooms in my head.

Imagination is the only player in this profound sadness
And the night stretches on forever
Without hope of a breathing space – a bend in the road.

wallow wallow wallow wallow - say it over and over until it feels good

drowning in bliss one moment and dying from exasperation the next, i dropped everything i had to finish this morning and stared at my pc confused.

i keep seeing her face. after six years of forgetting, i find that it is not possible to not remember.

she wasn't the friend i envisioned i could share everything with. there will always be something about me that she wouldn't understand. i never convinced myself that she would always need me. though in my heart i wished she would. i knew she was stronger.

i think there has never been a day when i do not think about her.

i like to believe that she still loves to dance. and cry at sappy movies. that we'd still have fights over candy music she loves and i hate. that she'd still bring nme a box doughnuts to ease a heartbreak. that someday, we'd still sit on a swing with a pint of ice cream each and imagine our toes could touch the clouds.

i tell myself it must be because i feel old these days and i desperately hang on to the faint traces of my childhood. i am not happy with the person i'm turning out to be.

too practical. too hung up with the trappings of the corporate world. i am not kind to people who ask questions. i look down on people. i have become the scheming, apolitical brat i hate.