uh-oh

no way you are like them. how can it be? i don't even try. drink your beer and let me be.
are you amused by my stories? i've got plenty. walk away while you can.
is it how i look at you from across the room? the side glances and the unabashed smiles. i do that every time. i'm a creep. i'm so fuckin' special. walk away now while you still can.

say what again? you like me and you wish i were there. do you imagine how lightly i stroked your arm with the tips of my nails? don't. stop while i can.

it's the same story over and over and over and over. and it always ends the same. don't ask me what happens. if you get on board this crazy roller coaster ride, you'll find out soon. but go, while you can still feel your legs.

did you spend your weekend staring out into the water? conjuring up mythical islands in the sun. drink your beer. let me be. you won't be different from them.

stuck in a moment

car crashes into you. gaping faces and flying chinese men flash before your eyes. you know you are just imagining your mother kissing your forehead- the bitch left you when you were four years old. but the little girl who puts her dirty handkerchief over your gushing wound is real. you can smell the sampaguita she carelessly dropped beside your head. you flinch at the thought of contracting a disease from the poor bugger.

you cannot breathe and the crowd of people stupidly pointing out that you were hit, are blocking whatever polluted air from the gutters of manila wafts to you. you utter soft putang ina under heavy breathing. this is your worst fear- death by stupidity of others.

you reach in your pocket for your cellphone and dial a number. you grin- with the little strength left in you- at the thought, why can't emergency numbers be as easy to remember as 8-mcdo? U2 starts singing in your head- you are such a fool/to worry like you do/i know it's tough/ and you can never get enough/ you got to get yourself together/you're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it.

wiggle your toes. yes, just like your uncle taught you for when you find yourself stiff from a nightmare. wiggle your toes now. wiggle them like the fate of the universe depends on it. you cannot bleed dry on this pavement. you are smarter than this. you cannot die just because of a stupid drunk. what about the rest of your life? what about your best laid out plans? the girl you married at 24? remember her? she used to be enough until that other girl when you were 30. remember the scent of her hair? and her legs. man! live, if only for that one month of bliss.

ok, so it's true everybody dies alone. but whose memory are you taking to the end? fuck! you're too young. not even that amazing one night in boracay can compensate for a short lived existence.

so what do you do?